With the divorce rate as high as it ever has been and baby boomers hitting middle-age being healthier and more youthful than ever before, many of us “over-50"s” are trying to get into the social scene,either seeking a 1:1 relationship or simply some casual intermittent dating partners.
The internet has been touted as the bar-scene of the current century, but to those who have not had much experience in this venue, the prospect of using the internet to find a date can be daunting. Fear not, there are a few pointers which can make it less traumatic.
First, realize that the population you will encounter on the internet are the same people whose paths you could cross at the singles dances, bars, and even in the grocery stores and laundromats. You will simply get to see more faces in a shorter period of time.
Second, don’t get into internet dating with the goal of finding your one- and- only. You will be doomed to fail. Not that it couldn’t happen, just that the process of weeding out all those who don’t qualify can take a very long time. If instead you approach this experience as - at worst - an amusing way of killing some time and -at best- a pleasant way to spend a few hours with an enjoyable companion over coffee or a light meal, then you will likely be less stressed and more successful.
There are many sites to choose from. Try to find one that will give you a free trial. Once you’ve turned in your credit-card number, its hard to get them to cancel a subscription. In fact, read the fine print on how to terminate a membership before you turn any money over - some sites make this an extremely difficult task. And your first few days on a site are deceptive - newbies always attract a lot of attention for the first few weeks. After that, however, things can slow down drastically.
Have a photo ready to down-load. And don’t accept someone else’s excuse that they don’t have one. In this day and age, no photo means there’s something to hide. In fact, even with a photo, what you see may not be what you get. You need to ask- “Is that a picture of you?” And “when was that photo taken.?” Sounds cold? Well women are notorious for putting up pictures that are 20 years old or are of their daughter/niece. And men will readily admit that the picture is 5 years old but insist “I haven’t changed that much.”
Unfortunately, it is necessary to approach everyone on these sites with a bit of scepticism. Time will tell whether the person is worthy of more trust. Lots of marrieds are posing as singles. Many who say they are interested in sincere long-term relationships are really just looking for casual-sex partners while others are so insecure they won’t trade phone numbers for months. Personally, I find that typing on the internet is too artificial to lead to a genuine relationship. You need to at least hear the other person’s voice to sense how easily the conversation will flow between you and to tell whether the other has the sense of humor and/or serious nature which you are seeking. Some people write beautiful poetry and descriptions on their sites. But you don’t know whether they have been plagarized or took a month to compose.
Pay attention to your instincts. If someone sounds too good to be true - he/she is NOT for real.
We ALL have baggage. It doesn’t have to be the ex-spouse stalking in the bushes outside your house. It can simply be that you must always sleep with the window open regardless of the weather outside. And anyone who cannot admit to having any faults (or baggage) at our age simply doesn’t look at themselves honestly. Remember, regardless of how dysfunctional a marriage may have been or how one-sided the divorce may seem, BOTH partners contributed to it. At the very least, each owns the responsibility for having chosen the other!
Finally, phone numbers - someone who can only be reached via a cell phone which is not answered after 6PM and hardly ever on the weekends is not living alone.
Surf the sites with an eye for the humorous (aka ridiculous) and a light heart and you will at least find some amusement here. And once in a while a nice match can be made.
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