WANTED: ROADKILL

 x-no-archive: yes

I want your roadkill. Why, might you ask? Simple. I drive around and
regularly see 1-2 deer a week on the side of the road, rotting. Since an
average deer has about 80-120 pounds of usable venison on it, its a shame
that all that meat is wasted. Plus, you can't normally buy venison, so
unless you have a hunting friend or hunt yourself (or pay crazy prices at a
restaurant), you can never enjoy the lean, tasty meat that is venison.

So, here's my offer. If you happen to hit a deer (or larger animal, although
I don't think we have many of those in southern Virginia), you can bring the
animal to me, and I'll carve it up for you, and split the meat 50/50. I
hunt, and I do my own butchering, so it doesn't take too long for me, and I
enjoy it. Since hunting season is now passed, I'd like something to occupy
my time, while also filling my freezer.

There are rules though, like anything else in life:
1. It has to be a deer or bigger. I'm not carving up a flat squirrel for
you.
2. It must be less than a day old. God only knows what happens to the
carcass after a day of sitting there.
3. You have to call the police after your accident. The cops come out and
issue you a permit so that you legally own the deer. It's quick, and it
keeps it legal (I'm not carving up poached animals, and if you poach, you
should rid the world of your sorry existence).
4. You bring the animal to me (I'm in Suffolk), and I do the rest, and call
you when its done. If you live in Suffolk, or hit the deer in Suffolk, I
could come to you, but I'm not driving to VA Beach at 10 pm at night.
5. I'll cut up the animal and give half the meat to you in sealed bags. I'll
even label it, so you'll know what cuts you're getting. You eat it and
enjoy!

Of course, you may feel odd eating roadkill. I mean, that's a redneck thing,
right? Absolutely untrue. For starters, you're using meat that would
normally be wasted, so its good for the environment. Venison is leaner (deer
don't sit on big farms eating corn), healthier (no injected hormones here!),
and tastier (there is no such thing as "gamey" meat. That's just
anti-hunters trying to justify themselves) than beef. Plus, you get it for
nothing (except whatever your car insurance deductible is, if you decide to
file a claim). All these positive reasons are sure to impress your hippie
friends, if you are unfortunate enough to have some.

Drop me an email (I check it all the time, so replies won't take long) when
you hit a deer. If you're a police officer and want my phone number (since
you probably get calls all the time), you can email me and I'll give you my
cell number. If its late, you can always temporarily store the animal at
your house and bring it over when I get back to you.

Start enjoying the meat of your unfortunate labors!

--
How long will I slide?

  Emo Haircut wrote:

there's a moose on my front lawn this morning ,
he won't leave , i thought about jumpong in front of him ,
but i might get trampled and live so , no good

 Emo Haircut wrote:


No you dont.


No deer road kill here.


Bet there are quite a few cows and horses.


meat 50/50.

I expect the airline might whine about the excess baggage and the smell.


sealed